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Impact of parental divorce on a child's ability to build future relationships / Article /

Respect for the child at the time of divorce is one of the guarantees that the divorce process will leave less of an emotional impact on the child's life. Parents should remember that the child learns in the family, and also gets a living model and conflict resolution from the family.


  • The behavior of parents during a divorce determines how deep the process leaves their child.
  • At a certain age, divorce is particularly painful and has an impact on a child's life.
  • If a child has experienced a parental divorce, this pattern can be repeated in his or her life.
  • Negative events in life happen, it's important to be able to deal with them.

Respect the child at the time of separation

The child will be fully protected by cohabitation; when this is not possible, respecting the child at the time of separation is a priority when the relationship is broken.

Explaining as much as possible to the children: "We can't live with my mom / dad, we have misunderstandings, quarrels, it's depressing and difficult, so we choose to live alone, but you are still our child and we both care about you" . Dice Weasley.

Divorced parents must remember that the child has the right to be heard, to have the right to be angry at the parents.

The impact of divorce on a child always depends on how dignified the parent's behavior during the divorce is. Aggressive divorce, the involvement of different institutions in the divorce process also affects the child.

Future effects on the child are different – if institutions, psychotherapists, psychologists, lawyers, orphans are involved, it has an impact on the child. "One person has enough conversation, another writes application after application until it ends up in a crisis center.

There are people who don't understand until life hits a baseball bat,

something dramatic must happen to finally understand the enormous impact on the child. I would encourage parents to think about reconciliation in the divorce process so as not to strengthen the relationship, "psychologist Ines Putnice said of the impact of the divorce process on the child from their professional experience.

Divorce is great for the family and the child, but the children are different. Everyone is hurt in a different way, everybody listens and they hear differently, but clearly, "things can change if people are ready to move," Putnik says.

Child's age and divorce

Divorce at any age is traumatic for the child, but at some ages it is particularly painful and life-threatening.

"A very important age in a divorce is four to six years. During this time, sexual identity develops and divorce can have a traumatic effect, ”says psychologist Dace Vajasa.

Also, it will be a very difficult event for a teenager – "looks great and grown up, but

emotionally, the teenager is three years old and needs support. "

expressed by a psychologist.

Psychologist Amanda Zarina also stresses the importance of a child's age to survive divorce, which can have serious consequences in the future: “Often a child's age is crucial. Children experience a variety of emotional and physical disorders and may develop neuroses, illnesses, mental disorders, behavioral and developmental problems. "

Also important is the time when parents lived together.

Heritage of family experience

The child learns in the family and the knowledge he has acquired will be used in his future life. Therefore, both animals and models of conflict resolution that exist in the family are important. This knowledge is passed on, passed on from one generation to another, and as a result, families often experience a scenario repeating – for example, the son lives the pattern of his parents and also decides the same age as his parents. This happens without special awareness. Dace Vaisha describes this experience as "our tribe lives in this!" Instead of learning, resolving conflicts, thinking about solutions and helping, she repeats the pattern she has experienced.

In such situations, “the momentum and the problem are exactly as they were in the previous generation. The partners are the same in terms of attitude or problem – where the difficulties fall, ”says Dace Vajasa.

Injuries and adverse events occur in life, a problem if not resolved as well as possible.

"If parents can't live together, they should divorce because they live together for the sake of the child anyway, assuming the parent's family is kept in a rag and a hole as if the baby is good – it teaches the child nothing good “.

Parent education, seeking professional help, if you are unable to organize your relationship or decide to respectfully decide, is the only solution; it is necessary to stop the dissatisfaction, otherwise nothing can come good, such a hateful relationship traumatizes the child, affects his or her attitudes about family and relationships.

It is important for the child to know:

  • In the process of separation, parents divorce but do not stop being parents of the child.
  • The child has the right to an opinion.
  • The child has the right to be angry and offended.

Parents should know:

  • During divorce, respect for the child is a priority.
  • Aggressive divorce, the involvement of different institutions in the divorce process also affects the child.
  • The age of the child at the time of the separation of the parents is important.
  • The child learns in the family and the knowledge he has acquired will be used in his future life.
  • Parents should seek help if they cannot divorce themselves.


We are publishing an article article about the effects of divorce on a child – if you have your own story to share, it can help others make the divorce less traumatic for the child.

If you have your own story, articles, stories, let us know – [email protected].

For example, according to the Central Statistical Bureau's database, in 2017, 13,150 marriages were concluded, and 5,943 marriages were divorced this year. 215 marriages are divorced in the first year of cohabitation, 351 after five years of cohabitation, 229 after seven years, 335 after 10 years, 299 marriages after 35 years and more. Most of these marriages have children.

According to the Central Bureau of Statistics, there were 1,754 marriages in the first three months of 2019. According to earlier estimates, some newlyweds will be divorced in the first year of cohabitation, with the possibility of the family having a child already.

Only official marriages are mentioned here, many children are born in unregistered relationships.

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