Eat less food and save one million lives, they say. Even better, to save the entire planet with ridicule of less red meat and raising fewer cows to holes in the ozone layer every time they explode.
Researchers at the Yad Foundation reported a large study recommending a daily diet that at first glance seems to laugh slightly.
Half a rack? One-fifth of an egg? Half fever fish finger? Certainly there can not be an average human being of such a small amount.
Well that's what I wanted to figure out. For five days I stuck to the diet of the meal to see if, at the end of it, I will be healthier, lean and live on a happier planet, or will I be thin, all four and please for sausage …
I have to measure my food supplement for that day. That means measuring everything in grams – I usually use my measurement of "tiles".
Seven grams of red meat? It is smaller than the size of your thumb. I eat more meat from it by inhaling insects while sleeping. Poultry? It's inconvenient.
And 13 g egg? The average egg is about 65-70gr. I tried to cut it to fifth, but the shell went everywhere. So I'm cheating
egg. I have one whole. The planet will have to like it or buy it.
There seems to be a lot of rice, vegetables and fruits. It's OK. I love fruits.
But I'm struggling to see how I get three square meals a day from this. And there are several recipes that require 3 cm square pieces of potatoes.
So I pull it like this: for breakfast I will have the fruit – a mixture of grapes and blueberries, because that was what I had in the house.
For lunch, I will use rice, meat, fish and vegetables and will make some sort of fried rice. I'll cheat and add soy sauce, if it's okay with you.
And for the tea I remain with a few walnuts and a sense of abrasion in my stomach.
I will be creative with the milk – drink half of it directly without mixing, but use the rest in plenty of cups of tea. I suppose tea is allowed and does not contribute to climate change, although it is often blamed on the collapse of the British Empire.
Well, it was not as fatally ill as I was afraid. Rice and vegetables helped fill the stomach of Furbank (although it was bored as hell) and I managed to resist my usual trick to wake up two round sandwich peanut butter peanuts before going to bed.
And I had a revelation: I do not have to eat small amounts of everything every day. I could save and eat one big thing a week.
Yes, I know it's obvious. But that means I have, for example, 112g of fish left in my five-day supplement and I could have it all today, as long as I leave fish for the remaining three days.
I can even have a whole potato with it, plus my vegetable supplement, leaving me free to dip on a few walnuts and yogurt later. Sweet!
So I season a little salmon fillet – remember, dieters, spice is your friend – and cook gently in the oven. With a small potato of jacket and annoyance of leeks and peppers I eat like a king. Well, like someone who is 2.035. in the line of the throne.
This is the one I was waiting for. I have 28g beef waiting for me, plus my usual quota of rice or wheat and vegetables. The beetles have wheat in them, right? So today is the day for the quarter-finish! Many articles on this diet were illustrated by an example of the famous McDonald's cuisine as visual aid. Here's a quarter, they say, and here's what your diet will allow you to eat – the same, but reduce the size of a piece of 2 euros.
But is that true? I bought a Burger King double vortex – because it is closer to me than McDonald's – and split it up like some sort of crazy scientist who is obsessed with food.
The buns worked at just 100g and the contents of the vegetables on 77g, so well within my instructions. The two meat pies came to 120 g, so it is clear that, in order to stay legally, I can only have half a burger. No chips, because I've already used my potato supplement.
I have 50 grams of beans with whom to play, so I buy some Snack from Heinz, which seems small enough. But each one is incredible 200g, so I decided to eat three quarters of it and use the supplement for my week.
A glass of milk and in bed, I feel a bit appalled by myself to swallow fast food.
"Is that the thunder?" My wife asked the next morning. No, it's my stomach. Corrected from the Box of Brexit of Theresa May. I need a sandwich with bacon. I have 28 g. Pork, which will surely provide enough for energy security, delay in hunger.
Unfortunately, it turns out that 28g is just one hintren, a lonely rash who, after being fried in delicious sharpness, shriveled almost to nothing.
Sitting on a piece of bread – I know I should not have it, but I eat instead of rice. Look, things get desperate – it looks sad and lost. Swallow her in a bite.
But cheer up, I have 28 g of chicken left. A leather, cooked chicken breast is about 170g, so I can talk about … one-sixth of it. With my vegetable supplement and eating very slowly, I can pretend that this is a reasonable meal for an adult. I'm going to bed on the verge of panic, with hunger in my pains.
Failure! Thanks to being hungry by hunger – and mathematical imbecile – I have nothing for Day 5 in contrast to several fruits. I ate the rest of my supplement over the past four days and I've been reduced to sucking the wet corner of the tea cloth to maintain.
I save energy by sitting for hours at the same time. I'm trying to get away from making a pops puzzle (there are lots of white pieces). The thought of a large, juicy T-bone, spicy and well-spiced with salt, brings me to the defect. I do not know if I would kill for chicken bastards, but I doubt that I am fully capable of inflicting injuries on meat.
Time takes time. I'm nervous, bad stone and I could not worry less about the planet.
Yes, we all need to shorten a little, especially the male, like me. And I accept that eating too much meat can be harmful to the planet, although it is difficult to see the link between the modest piece of cattle and the global armageddon.
But this diet goes too far. It is unrealistic, it can be dangerous. The idea is to save one million lives, but I was almost ready to kill someone at the end of it.
I was also obsessed with the diet. It was all I could think and talk, and I stopped to be a functional human being in a beneficial sense. I dropped almost constantly, even when I was asleep.
So, the verdict of this, apparently, hardly a scientific experiment is the following: All things in moderation. And it includes diet.
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