Friday , April 16 2021

Should I Join a Fellow Who Has "Understanding" With His Wife? Ask Ellie

Q: I met with a co-worker, we started talking and I was attracted by his personality. From blue, he mentioned that he and his wife had "understanding".

Then he started doing the things people do to interest you – gentle touching, teasing, talking close to you and eye contact.

One day I asked him to clarify the marriage "understanding". He became defensive and said that he only mentioned the fact that his marriage was not traditional.

Then he said that he did not feel comfortable talking with his co-workers. I became still insidious.

So, he came back to play small tricks and invited me for lunch. Mixed signals plagued me because I'm clear. If he did not want to talk about his personal life, he should not have mentioned him.

Now I do not mind the couple until he is outdoors with his wife.

But I do not know if he is interested in me. Is it wrong to think he is?


A: It seems that you believe that the romantic / sexual "interest" is completely dependent on him.

If she wants a relationship with you, and really has a non-traditional marriage, she is fine with you.

Do not worry if his statement is part of the "thickening" of the classic performance.

Well, I think you need to worry, because this guy is just casting for a quick throw (probably his first one).

He knows the lines too well – "we have understanding". He "does not feel comfortable talking about it" (although he raised it). Mixed signals … then, "Lunch"?

This is not an attraction with the lightning that has just happened. He has a practiced relationship, and you set yourself up for public discomfort at work when he moves back to his wife.

Instead, lunch with a friend.

Dear readers: Many of you answered the question of a 57-year-old man who "can not find a woman for a date because he looks much younger than his age" (March 29), which I was close to on the dating for the 50s.

Neither the youth nor the elderly consider it a frustrating time for long-term relationships. They want sex, but they also want sensitivity and security.

Reader # 1: "I'm in my 50s, four years of single and I can not find anyone my age who is not ready to leave their days on a rocking chair or to behave at the other end like 21 forever.

"Most men interested in me are usually in the mid-late 30s. Their endurance is great, but when looking for a substance, endurance goes so far."

Reader # 2: "How can I meet hard, well-adapted men who do not seek care?" I'm sure they're there, but where are they hanging out? "

Reader # 3: "I almost got to the Olympics when I was young and I still have washing fins. And I finished my MBA degree two years ago.

"However, in 59, I do not have a meeting for three years. I often hang out with friends, I volunteer, but on dating sites, I get tons of hits from women over 65. One woman, 52, decisively told me that I too old. "

Ellie: From the researches and readers' comments, I learned this: Men and women in their 50's approach date from the desire for a new beginning.

It is often more complicated, through responsibilities for children, grandchildren and old parents.

Many remain interested in sex (even if some health conditions hinder it). Financial, they want someone who can carry their own share.

But, mainly, they want to love and be loved.

Ellie is the top of the day

Do not fall for someone's practiced cons.

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Eli Tesser is a columnist on the Star Council and is based in Toronto. Send e-mail questions: [email protected]

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