Dear Amy: My boy is extremely witty, and I'm not. When he cooks something, it's after he watched 50 videos on YouTube and read the story of the vessel to get to know the back of every aspect of it.
I enjoy cooking, but I keep it simple. All in all, "Boyfriend" must be the best, most honestly, the greatest, and while he never said anything offensive (that's pure in his behavior), I can feel that I look down on the simpler way you work.
This happens with everything. When we watch a movie, I do not analyze it as much as it does. When we drink coffee, I can not taste the difference in acidity, like he does.
Basically, I'm fine with things that are … mediocre.
I love this guy a lot, but I constantly feel out of my league. Sometimes I can give up and just learn from him, because he knows so much, but most times I feel inadequate. It seems that he never admired or taught me. He came to a point where I do not want to share things with him, because he exceeds everything.
I will cook on my own when he is not here. I will listen to my pop, repetitive (I know!) Pop music when I'm alone.
Members of his family are not meaningful and deliberately degrading, and often "illuminate" with better techniques, and I always feel calm and unnecessary.
What can I do to make the relationship look balanced? Am I just out of my league?
– Midlin "
Respected Midlin ": If your boyfriend was just an obsessive chef, I'd suggest you sit down and enjoy his expertise. But, in your opinion, his demand for "excellence" refers to ALL things.
In some respects, I'm sorry for the boy. He will never know the extraordinary joy of the hotdog ballpark, filled with sour cabbage and a light yellow mustard. He will never "get" the wheel that bangs the ecstasy of the great hoe of Katy Perry.
There are many wonders that even you are tormented as "mediocre." Stop running at his level. There is beauty in the quoted one. It is exhausting that it has to be educated about everything.
The key sentence in your question is: "I've come to a point where I do not want to share things with him, because he goes beyond everything."
That's not Midley's problem. It's great. Many very successful couples have many different tastes. But until you stop seeing your taste as "wrong", I do not see a very long-term hope for this relationship.
Ask him to think about his behavior. Can she laugh at her own obsession? Can your master Darcy learn to truly love you exactly as you are?
You need to find out.
Dear Amy: My wife had an affair with a man who started two years after we got married and we continued (in and out) for the next 20 years (which is when I learned about it).
She said she would not see him again, and she would not.
I just learned that they have regular phone calls. Sometimes they speak only once a year at her birthday, other times more often.
She says that nothing is wrong, because they are now just friends.
I say that a permanent relationship with this person is just wrong.
What do you think?
Dear troubled: I agree. I guess – in comparison to 20 years of infidelity – you should feel that the annual phone call is not so remarkable, and yet you think this is harmful – and at this point, your feelings should carry more weight than her.
The classic and the best "take" of this is the book "Not Only Friends": Restoring Trust and Restoring Your Mercy for Unbelief, "researcher and therapist Shirley P Glass, with Jean Coquel Stacie (2004, Atrium Books).
This will provide valuable insights into your feelings. Share this with your wife.
Dear Amy: In your written response to "You're wondering Grand", you say: "If you sent the check with a note addressed to both HE and his wife …" FOR NOT?
I see and hear the abuse of objective pronouns ("from Bob and me") every day, but I honestly expected someone better to articulate like you.
Dear disturbances!: I'm a little flattered by your shock in my mistake. I just want my mistake was caught before the posting.
Many, many readers noticed this and wrote in gentle (or not so gently) they corrected me. I thank you all!